When I had my first baby, I was so traumatized I said firmly and repeatedly, ‘I’m never doing that again’. I couldn’t even allow the idea to enter my head that I’d ever put myself through that trauma again. I was gutted because I always wanted a big family, I’m one of seven children, but I just could not go through the experience that I’d had. I was frightened, eventually diagnosed with postnatal depression and struggling to find myself as a new mama. But then as time went on and the traumatic memories from my first baby’s birth settled in my mind, the desire to have more babies grew.

I’m fortunate to have made some amazing friends through the NCT group we joined when I was expecting our first baby. When I was pregnant that first time, conversations within our group had included topics like hypnobirthing and homebirth, but it wasn’t until I was pregnant for the second time that I started seriously considering what would help me have a birth experience that would leave me feeling fulfilled. I knew vaguely about physiological birth, but what I hadn’t realized with my first baby was that the maternity system is not set up to support physiological birth and my individual needs and desires, and more to manage the numbers of women and birthing people using that system, and works more towards a “one size fits all” model.

So I invested in a hypnobirthing course for me and my husband and decided to plan to have my baby at home, where I felt safe and knew I could have more control of who was present and what happened to me. I was fortunate to have an amazing hypnobirthing teacher for my second pregnancy, who also happened to be a brilliant midwife, and she helped to ease my other half’s worries about giving birth at home. I just knew I didn’t want to be anywhere near a hospital this time. For my first, I had planned to be in the local birth centre, but ended up being transferred in labour to the labour ward into the next local hospital, due to the concerns of the midwife who was taking care of my in labour at the time.

I did some research into what would help me have a truly intuitive birth, one that would leave me feeling connected to my body and baby, rather than completely disconnected from what had happened to me, but mostly I leaned into the trust I’d gained that a positive birth experience was possible and that my body was so capable. I had, and still have, that inherent knowing, so clear in my heart that I didn’t need to do loads of research to confirm what I already knew.

And what happened? I planned my home birth, dug deep into my hypnobirthing toolkit, and had my dream birth experience. I breathed my baby into the world, stayed “in the zone” for as long as possible, birthed my placenta on my sofa and luxuriated in the knowledge that I had achieved something incredible. I had my favourite tea in my own huge mug, and my favourite bread as toast. When I was ready to move, we went into the lounge and snuggled on the sofa as a family. It was so far from the experience I’d had with my first baby in hospital.

This is what propels me forward. It’s what drives me now. When I hear families preparing to welcome another baby and choosing to birth at home, I’m circling back in time to these moments in my dream birth, where I held and squeezed my husband through each surge (or contraction, your language is also your choice). I imagine the exhilaration that I experienced, playing out in the next family’s home. The power that I felt, having birthed my baby on my terms, just as I knew in my heart and soul that I was capable of doing, and the joy that it brought me and my family, which I still feel today, years later. Of course, disclaimer. Every birth is different. Birth is unpredictable. There are no guarantees. But by feeling undisturbed and unobserved, it’s more likely, and you’re also allowing, that physiological birth to unfold. By listening to your body and your baby, by fully connecting with them, by tuning into your intuition and out of the noise around you and not allowing the fears of others to override your own instincts, you are more likely to feel in control and to have a positive birth experience.

If you’re pregnant and feeling like I did after a previous traumatic birth experience, please reach out to see how I can help.