I haven’t been writing blogs, recording videos, putting my voice unapologetically out there, for a while. But something clicked for me this week.

I’ve decided that I AM DONE WITH PLAYING SMALL.

That feels like quite a dramatic statement!

I’ve been having lots of conversations over the past… well, honestly, since I started working with people who are pregnant, mums, mums-to-be.

And these same conversations keep coming up. It’s becoming more obvious to me.

And also, if I’m honest, I didn’t think this was how I was living my life myself.

But then things happen that remind you… the work is ongoing. The inner work really is forever ongoing.

What keeps coming up in these conversations is how much we hold back.

We protect ourselves. We don’t say what we actually want. Because we’re worried about what other people will think, what they will say about us.

I know that sounds like a huge generalisation. But here’s how it’s relevant to you.

But when I look at it with my clients, it’s things like:

Being worried about hurting people’s feelings
Worrying about what might happen if they say what they want
Fear of being rejected
Or being looked at like… ‘who do you think you are?’ That feeling of… ‘who are you to want something different?’

And I know a lot of my work is with women who are pregnant or becoming mums. But I don’t think this is only about that.

And I’m not saying it’s only a women’s issue, but a lot of women have been brought up to “be good”, “be a good girl”, to do the right thing, to meet expectations, to be well behaved. To just keep going. When we are ill, when we are spinning too many plates, when we feel like we are struggling.

But honestly… I call bullsh*t on that.

Because whatever you do, someone will have something to say about it.

Someone might read this and think, who does she think she is? Why does she think she is important enough to have a voice? Whos is she to talk to us like this?

But if I keep thinking like that, all I’m doing is holding myself back.

And that’s what I realised this week. I’ve been holding myself back.

Thinking:

Who am I to put myself out there?
Who am I to voice my thoughts?
Who am I to back myself in that way?

What will be say if I push myself forward?

And maybe putting other people on a pedestal instead. It’s OK for them to push themselves forward, but not me. They’ve somehow “earned” that right.

I see the same thing when it comes to birth.

Women often know the kind of birth they want. And yes, birth is unpredictable. There are no guarantees.

But we also know that when you plan for a certain kind of birth, it does make a difference.

I don’t need to persuade you of this, the evidence is there.

And still, there’s hesitation.

Not saying clearly, this is what I want.

Even when what’s being offered doesn’t feel right. Even when instinct is saying something different. It doesn’t always feel like a choice. It’s often presented as, this is what’s available.

And it can feel hard to push back against that.Or even to ask what the alternatives are.

But sometimes it’s not even about asking.

It’s about knowing what you want. And putting things in place that make that more likely.

Something else that’s been on my mind is this.

We spend a lot of time thinking about what might happen if we say what we want. But not so much time thinking about what happens if we don’t.

What does that lead to? Living in a way that doesn’t feel fully aligned.

Going through an experience, like birth, that doesn’t match what you really wanted.

And I’m not saying you can control everything.

You can’t. But you can prepare for what you want. You can decide what matters to you.

And if it doesn’t happen exactly like that, that’s okay. But at least you didn’t hold yourself back from trying.

That’s the bit that feels important to me right now. I’d really like to hear what this brings up for you, please comment and let me know, or drop me an email. Let’s start a conversation, this is important to me.